Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
