I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
