I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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