Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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