but the lizard people decide everything anyway
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize