I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
