haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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