I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize