that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
