Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
