i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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