if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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