Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
