i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
