"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
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Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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