DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I still have a little drunk in my system
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
