a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
