Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
