I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
