You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
