I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Enjoy the penises
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
