Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
