Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
