We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
