made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
