I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
