forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is exhausting
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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