I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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