He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
