That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
