His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Someone came in the potted fern
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
