I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
