there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
