The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
