Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize