ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize