I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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