My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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