Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
