I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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