if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
