i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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