I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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