I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am midnight drunk by noon
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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