you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
