Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
