So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
