im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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