You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
