rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
