do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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