the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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