I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
