I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
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then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too