you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail