The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship