Texts From Last Night

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  (256): View more from Alabama

  he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.

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  (256): he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/xdnw
  Replies (60) Good night (777) Bad night (4136)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

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  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
  Replies (25) Good night (10835) Bad night (1007)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  You'll be proud of me

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Who did you not have sex with

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Damn it...you know me too well

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  (503): You'll be proud of me (1-503): Who did you not have sex with (503): Damn it...you know me too well http://tfl.nu/ealw
  Replies (13) Good night (5090) Bad night (778)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".

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  (617): I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues". http://tfl.nu/ykd9
  Replies (13) Good night (3022) Bad night (1878)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.

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  (770): Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/mf5n
  Replies (5) Good night (2482) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper

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  (773): That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper http://tfl.nu/zcg4
  Replies (3) Good night (1947) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.

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  (530): Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity. http://tfl.nu/17zq
  Replies (8) Good night (2556) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.

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  (708): I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving. http://tfl.nu/rym8
  Replies (6) Good night (3291) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.

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  (970): You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan. http://tfl.nu/do61
  Replies (14) Good night (2001) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...

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  (229): He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother... http://tfl.nu/bv7d
  Replies (8) Good night (834) Bad night (2497)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.

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  (585): He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going. http://tfl.nu/c63w
  Replies (7) Good night (1607) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.

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  (979): I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you. http://tfl.nu/kkcg
  Replies (4) Good night (755) Bad night (1492)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning

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  (859): I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning http://tfl.nu/m43n
  Replies (9) Good night (692) Bad night (2073)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.

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  (256): Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life. http://tfl.nu/8lve
  Replies (5) Good night (718) Bad night (329)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.

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  (701): You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again. http://tfl.nu/km7p
  Replies (0) Good night (553) Bad night (372)

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