im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015