i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
40s are totally the cure
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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