There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES