Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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