"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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