Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
