I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
