just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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