I faked an abortion last night.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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