I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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