You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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