matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
