he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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