Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
