i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
