I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
