Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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