i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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