It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
