I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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