Will you blow on my dice?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
