i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
