I feel great
I just peed on a car
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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