I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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