my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am midnight drunk by noon
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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