I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
