her vagine was all disorganized.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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