dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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